Ever since I was a little girl I loved to read. I particularly loved any book that had an imaginative plot line and intriguing, original heroines. Both ensuring that I couldn’t forsee how that story was going to unfold.

But because this led to a curiosity about what was going happen in the next chapter, I found it incredibly difficult to put such a book down. So there were many nights when I was suppose to be sound asleep, where I snuggled under my covers with a flashlight and kept reading just so I could discover what happened next.

And in many ways, this inquisitiveness continues to play out in my life.

For whenever the next scene or stage in my story becomes obscure, I start speculating about how it might unfurl. And the longer the knowing is delayed, the more difficult it is to wait. So, it becomes just like my childhood need to read the next chapter as quickly as possible. Seeking the resolution and known, to replace the apprehension and uncertainty.

And of course, like most of us, while I am in the waiting, most of the scenarios I create in my mind tend to have negative outcomes.

Research has studied this tendency and consistently verified that,

“Lo and behold, it turns out that 85 percent of what subjects worried about never happened and with the 15 percent that did happen, 79 percent of subjects discovered either they could handle the difficulty better than expected, or the difficulty taught them a lesson worth learning. This means that 97 percent of what you worry over is not much more than a fearful mind punishing you with exaggerations and misperceptions.”

So I do know that I am not alone in this struggle with uncertainty, and the need to know.

But I am gathering a greater confidence and sense of peace. More patient with the inevitability of the story unwinding at its own pace, in its own unique, unpredictable way.

Accepting that while I might be able to exert some influence, it is not possible for me to totally control the narrative.

Learning to trust that while I may not know what will happen from one page to the next, the great Author of life does. He knows exactly what will happen on the next page, in the next chapter. And how my story is to end.

And there is a comfort in that knowing. A certainty, that regardless of how the plot twists and turns, He will be walking alongside me. Protecting and providing.

 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6) 

@fiveminutefriday weekly prompt: NEED

Photo credits: Syd Wachs, Dmitry Ratushny, Luke Palmer, from Unsplash