Last spring my mother’s health began to falter. Sensing she was entering the last leg of her journey, I pressed pause on many of my commitments.
I knew I would need time to support her. Energy to deal with all the practical aspects of supporting her through this final stage of her life. And ample space to grieve.
The journey has been challenging. And of course it has not ended for me, even though she passed away in February. For now I am facing the hard work of processing and working through the loss and grief.
But as part of that process I have also felt called to re-engage with some activities that will bring me a sense of joy and renewal.
So I am once again taking courses in the seminary at a local university.
It was one of the things that I felt called to put on pause during this past season.
A few years ago, I felt a pull to return to university. So I enrolled in the seminary and began a Masters in Christian Studies and Leadership. It was both thrilling and intimidating to be a student once again, because the last time I was a university student was almost 40 years ago, when in 1980 I completed my Masters in Counseling Psychology!
I wasn’t sure that I was ready or interested to return to my studies this summer semester. But when I glanced through the courses offerings, I jumped at the chance to take an Old Testament course focusing on the Book of Job and what it can teach us about suffering and wisdom.
I am currently in the midst of the semester, fully immersed in all the readings and assignments.
The learning has been profound, transformational on both an intellectual and theological level, but also on a personal level. It has definitely become a major part of working through my own suffering and grief.
Eventually, I will share some of what I have learned when I complete the course.
But for now, it feels wonderful to be able to take my finger off the pause button and press play on some life-giving activities.
To learn new things and see things through a new lens is profoundly transformative. It is has the power to energize and encourage and heal.
So while it is important to know when to press pause, it is equally important to know when to re-engage in activities that bring us joy.
Five Minute Friday Prompt: PAUSE
Photo Credit: Claudia, Unsplash
Kimberley LinkletterMay 25, 2018 5:47 pm
Wonderful that you could press pause and spend time with your mother. Your words help remind me of how important it is to understand when we need to pause and then play again.
Anne Mackie-MorelliMay 25, 2018 9:46 pm
Thanks Kimberley. Yes, I do feel grateful that I was able to press pause on a number of activities and routines so that I could spend this last year walking alongside my mother. It has been a difficult year, as we watched her health rapidly decline and as she suffered, but she had a blessed life so there is also lots to be thankful for. Grief needs space and time, so we can process it properly. But resuming activities, re-engaging in activities that bring us joy is so important in the healing process as well. I am so delighted to be back in the classroom, learning new things, and having my theology sharpened. Thanks for stopping by The Stones Call. I appreciate it!
LesleyMay 25, 2018 10:16 pm
So true, there’s a time to press pause on certain activities and a time to engage with them again. I’m glad you’ve found ways back into things that bring you joy and help you learn.
Anne Mackie-MorelliMay 25, 2018 10:31 pm
Thanks Lesley for your thoughtful reply. Thanks for your observation that there are seasons in life where we need to slow down and then as the seasons ebb and flow, we can re-engage with activities we have had to set aside. I am glad too be back studying God’s Word and learning. For me, it is profoundly healing. Blessings.
Deborah AltenMay 26, 2018 9:35 pm
I’m still on pause, taking care of Mom and Dad after they each suffered a stroke. In the meantime living on God’s grace, mercy, and provisions. Thanks for your post, very much needed to read it.
Anne Mackie-MorelliMay 26, 2018 10:04 pm
Deborah, I am so sorry to hear about your parents. It sounds like it has been a difficult journey as you provide support for both of them. I appreciate your comment about relying on God’s grace, mercy, and provision. For during such a season of suffering and you sacrificially giving God’s provision is the one thing we can count on, and one thing that will help us manage. Praying for you as you walk through this season. Let me know how it continues to unfold okay? Blessings and caring thoughts. Thanks for commenting.
Melissa JavanMay 29, 2018 4:58 am
Sorry about your loss. It’s good that you’re keeping busy, pressing play to these different activities. Strongs.
Anne Mackie-MorelliMay 30, 2018 12:19 am
Melissa, thank you for your kindness. It is interesting, because while I am pressing play and busy taking my courses, I am also still pressing pause on many activities. I still feel like sitting in the quiet of my backyard and not having a lot of contact with people. So I am still pressing pause on these activities. So as I walk this road of grief I am trying to balance the tension of pressing pause and play at the same time. Blessings.
Kat|Kat Charles BlogMay 29, 2018 9:01 pm
There is so much to learn from the Book of Job. You have found a beautiful way to work through grief. I am sorry for your loss.
Anne Mackie-MorelliMay 30, 2018 12:21 am
Kat, thanks for your comments and your kindness. You are so right! There is such a depth of learning possible through the Book of Job. It has been a transformative course for me. Blessings.
Denise RiehleMay 30, 2018 8:03 pm
I feel like I have been loitering in a phase for far too long, so this article was a great reminder of when pressing pause makes sense, and equally as important when this time to put things back in gear. Thank you for the push!
Anne Mackie-MorelliMay 30, 2018 9:45 pm
Hello Denise! I totally understand that grief can keep us stuck in a stage or season where we have pressed pause. And we do need these quieter, more solitary seasons while grieving. They are a valid, necessary part of the grief process. But you make such a good point, that when we stay in them too long it can start to be unhealthy for us. I think the way out of these quieter seasons of pausing, is often just taking on one step at a time, such as re-engaging with one activity or one or two trusted friends. And then still ensuring that there are quiet times and pauses built in, for grief can be cyclical, needing to be re-worked any number of times. So we move forward a bit, pause, re-engage and move forward a bit, pause….. But have grace for yourself Denise for there is no one right way or length of time for working through grieve. It is unique to each of us and to our circumstances. Blessings to you as you start to take a step forward.
CoreyMay 31, 2018 2:49 pm
So sorry you had to go through that. Glad you were able to pause and spend the time with your family.
Anne Mackie-MorelliMay 31, 2018 4:32 pm
Thank you for your kindness Corey. I appreciate it. Yes, having community alongside us as we are walking through loss and grief can be a profound support. Blessings.